Daily Journey Journal #286: remembering

From March 9, 2015

Twelve years ago today my grandpa left this earth. In spirit, he had been gone months longer, defeated by the cancer that was slowing destroying his body. The bullet that ended his breath was but an end to a life that could no longer live.

It took me years to understand this, to accept it. The smallest things would remind me of him and I often found myself sliding down the slippery slope of regret and grief. With time, words and wandering I have come to an understanding about his passing. I know that the decision he made was to minimize suffering, his suffering, our suffering. The decision he made was to save his dignity before it was lost again to the soup of drugs and treatments that would rob him of who he was. That decision changed my life and left scars that still have not healed completely, but I cannot find fault with it.

I understand it.

Today, I know my grandpa is watching over us, guiding us and helping us through the bumps in the road. He is the sunshine turning our windows golden, the soft breeze brushing my cheek, the sunset that fills the sky like an artist’s canvas. He is there, just a thought away whenever I need him.

Rest in peace, grandpa. You are with me always.

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