Those are good words for the last few days. It feels like I’ve been one step behind this last week, in no small part because of a head cold that continues to linger despite my insistence that it leave me alone. The fogginess it brought about has left me sluggish, mentally and physically, to the point that today seems to be the first time I’ve really woken up in the last five days. Energy and creativity sapped, hours blurring together, the simplest activities somehow infinitely more difficult. And now here we are, one week closer to departure and only one box closer to moving out.
So, I suppose I could add overanxious to my list of words.
Our year in Korea has gone so fast. When I think about it, it seems like we really just arrived. My memories of our first months here are so vivid right now that it feels as if winter, spring and summer never happened and instead fall has been playing in a loop while time disappears.
Yet, knowing our days are numbered, I’ve begun to look at everything differently, wondering if it is the last time I will see, do, taste, hear something, perhaps for the rest of my life. Emotionally, such thoughts are a bit overwhelming and are overloading my senses as I try to take it all in as intensely as possible.
Each night I return to our apartment I am equally as overwhelmed, though perhaps in a less emotional way and in a more panic-stricken way. That magical ‘some day’ upon which we pegged doing so many things has finally arrived and the things to do are beginning to pile up. Our apartment, our first home together, has to be backed into boxes, our unnecessary items sold or given away, and our rooms prepared for their new occupants. All the while, the tidal wave of change is growing nearer, the first waves tickling my toes before my whole body becomes drenched and is carried away to a new chapter in life.
None of it seems quite real.
And so, I’m trying to think clearly and calmly, one thing at a time. One step by one step.