Daily Journey Journal #100: freak out in 3, 2, 1…

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I am officially starting to feel overwhelmed. Twenty-nine days left in Korea. Twenty-nine.

Last week it felt like we had all the time in the world until we depart and now if feels like time is sliding through my fingers like sand, gone before I can stop it. It feels like there is still so much to do and just not enough time to do so calmly and in an organized fashion. So, my internal freak out alarm is going off like crazy.

What are we sending home?

What are we taking with us?

How are we getting suitcases home?

When do we absolutely need to send our first box back so we can have coats when we arrive?

Should we start packing?

Do we have everything important planned and ready for our trip?

GAHHHHHHHH! I don’t know. I don’t know!

And, on top of that I am feeling really mixed about leaving my students and our school. Yes, I am excited to go home, but it seems so impossible that we will be leaving our lives here behind. We’ve had our ups and downs at the school, but lately things have been great. Boss hasn’t called anyone out recently or interfered with anything too much. He has joked with us in meeting and laughed at our silly stories about students, which he hasn’t done before.In fact, he has been weirdly nice. Today, for instance, he bought us coffee just because he was going. It was so out of character for him and so very kind!

And then, there are my students, the ones who scream “NO!” when I tell them I have to go home soon, the one who asked if I would forget her when I go home, the ones who want to know when we are coming back. These gems have very much so become part of my life and I love them all. They have made me laugh and smile, made me want to pull my hair out and perhaps pushed me slightly closer to crazy, but they are the sweetest group of kids. It makes me sad to know that I won’t see them grow up; I’ll never know the people they will turn into or if they reach their dreams of becoming doctors, singers and tae-kwan-do masters. I’ll miss seeing them every day; I’ll miss the way they talk and the things they do; I’ll miss their silliness and stories, their hilarious drawings and funny writing. I will miss them so much. Saying goodbye to them seems like an unreal thing, yet I am reminded of it with each passing day.

So many thoughts. So many emotions. It’s getting hard to shift through it all.

Times of transition are always a roller coaster and it looks like I just got on mine. Fingers crossed I can hang on for this wild ride.

 

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